The Meeting

This is the final post in my three-part series about finding family

As the day grew nearer, we were all buzzing with excitement. Facebook messages and postings were flying back and forth like crazy. "I've never been more excited for anything in my whole life," posted June about the meeting.

It seemed like something out of a movie or a book and surely didn't feel like it was happening to us. But it was. And, like June said, we all couldn't be more excited to meet.

We were thrilled to hear that Celena (June's daughter), James (June's son) and his wife Sheila were going to be there too, as was my brother Jon. Joe, June's other son, and his wife Val, couldn't make it as they lived in New York, but they would be waiting for a full report with pictures afterward. 

The morning of the meeting was bright with sunshine, a clear relief from the cloudy, overcast gloom of winter. As the kids were at school and my husband was at work. I was the sole member of my family to be picked up by Mom and Dad. When I entered their van I saw that Dad had bought bouquets of flowers for both of his sisters. That's my dad, I thought. Always the gentleman.

We arrived early to the restaurant. I was a little bit nervous and my palms were sweaty, so I could only imagine what Dad was feeling. I felt the enormity of the moment. For 66 years my dad had lived his life as an only child, making surrogate brothers and sisters out of cousins and friends and brothers- and sisters-in-law. Now he was going to meet a family that, until only a week prior, he had no idea existed. Who wouldn't be nervous?

I believe, however, that Facebook softened our nerves. Not that you can tell who a person really is through their Facebook pictures or posts, but you can get a general idea. I felt that we had already met through the computer and this in-person meeting was the icing on the cake. I was excited to be able to have real-time conversations.

Mom, Dad, and I were all seated at the table when we saw June, Carol, and Celena approaching from outside. 

"I think that's them," I said as I stood up to see better.

As they entered the restaurant, Dad got up and walked over to them with his arms outstretched and a wide smile lighting up his face. First he wrapped his arms around Celena in a giant bear hug, giant because Celena is shorter than I am (about 4'10", the same as my mom). 

June took one look at Dad and her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"So nice to meet you," Dad said as he gave her a hug. Then it was Carol's turn.

"After all this time!!" she exclaimed. "Here, let me see you."

"This is really neat isn't it?" he asked as they hugged.

As we all got acquainted and hugs were passed around like candy, I became caught up in the emotion of the moment and began to tear up. I marveled at the fact that this "union" (for it was not really a "reunion" as we had never met) of siblings and cousins had generated such excitement and joy on both sides. You never know about meetings that reunite birth families - sometimes one side is overjoyed at the reunion while the other side is not; others may have ulterior motives for meeting. I was pleased that neither of these scenarios played out for us. 

Siblings Jeff, June, and Carol

It was easy to tell from the look of true delight on Carol's face and the sound of pure awe in June's voice as they looked at and listened to their brother for the first time that they were having a wonderful experience without any reservations. I could also tell from the way my dad's eyes sparkled and the perma-smile that was plastered across his face that he felt the same way. Each sibling had lived his/her life never knowing about the other, but that was about to change. 



As for me - I just went with the flow and felt everything - pleasure at meeting these "new relatives", joy in seeing how happy they were to meet us and in being able to reflect back to them the same joy we felt in meeting them.

As we finally sat down at our table, Dad gave June and Carol their flowers. I could tell they were pleased. They had something for us also: two huge photo albums that contained pictures of Marcella and Joyce, as well as June and Carol and their families when they were younger. It was a treasure trove of history, one which we would pore over multiple times. My dad was speechless. It was such a gesture of love and caring. Many of the pictures were very old - the fact that they were willing to part with some of these pictures spoke volumes.

"We spent all week working on these," Celena said.

"We had so much fun putting them together for you," added June.

"This is great," said Dad. "I truly don't know what to say but thank you. I'm getting verklempt," he added, using one of his favorite quotes from the SNL skit "Coffee Talk" with Mike Myers.

"These are for you to keep," said Carol. "We have many many more pictures at home."

The cousins: Celena, Jen, James, Jon

At that moment James and his wife Sheila showed up. Once again hugs were given out and introductions were made. Then Roy, Celena's fiance, and my brother Jon arrived. Now we were all here. Carol, the eldest sister, sat at the head of the table with June to her left and Dad to her right. Celena sat next to June, and Roy, James and Sheila sat next to her. I was next to Dad, with Mom and Jon to my right. 





For the next two hours we hardly stopped talking. I tried hard to listen to all the conversations that were floating around the table. There was so much to soak in. We learned that Marcella had become a widow in 1970 and had never remarried, that she liked to dance and sing and play the piano. We learned that she loved to cook and was famous for her pies. We learned that Carol was a four-year cancer survivor of some rare form of blood cancer that is usually fatal. We learned that the family roots stemmed from Germany and Ireland and that the family name Wolgast wasn't too different from our last name of Wurges, which was also German. 

We learned that we had a famous great-uncle, Ad Wolgast (also known as the Michigan Wildcat), who was a world lightweight boxing champion in the early 1900's. We learned that June liked to sing and was a soprano in her church choir. We learned that Celena had a daughter who was a gymnast with her sights set on the 2016 Olympics in Brazil. And then James started telling stories from his youth, and I couldn't help thinking of my brother. The two seemed like two peas in a pod. 

The best part for me, though, was to watch everyone and notice the similarities in looks and mannerisms, something you just can't obtain from Facebook. I didn't get a chance to talk to Sheila because she was down at the other end of the table, but she commented to me later that she couldn't keep her eyes off Dad because he looked so much like Marcella. I kept watching June because I noticed so many similarities between her and myself and Dad.



We could have sat there all day, but the men had to get back to work. First, though, we had to have pictures! Here's when the best example of genes at work occurred. Dad and June were trying to take a picture of the cousins with Celena's phone when they accidentally took a selfie! (Dad is often technically challenged, as am I, I freely admit, and now we know it runs in the family!)

I don't think anyone really wanted to leave, but we made plans to meet again soon. Hugs were dispersed and Dad walked his sisters out to their car. It had been a magical afternoon. I can't speak for everyone but I left with the feeling that time is, indeed, precious. While we are saddened that Marcella or Joyce didn't live to see this union, what matters is that we did. We have whole lifetimes to catch up on, and I look forward to spending many hours learning about the past and many more in growing our relationships in the present.

Author's Note: Since our meeting I have had the chance to talk on the phone with Celena and another cousin Kathy (Carol's daughter) and have added some more relatives to my friends' list on Facebook. We have had the chance to meet with June and Carol at some events around the area, too. Sometime this summer we will be able to meet Joe and his wife and children as they come back to Michigan to visit.