The Meeting

This is the final post in my three-part series about finding family

As the day grew nearer, we were all buzzing with excitement. Facebook messages and postings were flying back and forth like crazy. "I've never been more excited for anything in my whole life," posted June about the meeting.

It seemed like something out of a movie or a book and surely didn't feel like it was happening to us. But it was. And, like June said, we all couldn't be more excited to meet.

We were thrilled to hear that Celena (June's daughter), James (June's son) and his wife Sheila were going to be there too, as was my brother Jon. Joe, June's other son, and his wife Val, couldn't make it as they lived in New York, but they would be waiting for a full report with pictures afterward. 

The morning of the meeting was bright with sunshine, a clear relief from the cloudy, overcast gloom of winter. As the kids were at school and my husband was at work. I was the sole member of my family to be picked up by Mom and Dad. When I entered their van I saw that Dad had bought bouquets of flowers for both of his sisters. That's my dad, I thought. Always the gentleman.

We arrived early to the restaurant. I was a little bit nervous and my palms were sweaty, so I could only imagine what Dad was feeling. I felt the enormity of the moment. For 66 years my dad had lived his life as an only child, making surrogate brothers and sisters out of cousins and friends and brothers- and sisters-in-law. Now he was going to meet a family that, until only a week prior, he had no idea existed. Who wouldn't be nervous?

I believe, however, that Facebook softened our nerves. Not that you can tell who a person really is through their Facebook pictures or posts, but you can get a general idea. I felt that we had already met through the computer and this in-person meeting was the icing on the cake. I was excited to be able to have real-time conversations.

Mom, Dad, and I were all seated at the table when we saw June, Carol, and Celena approaching from outside. 

"I think that's them," I said as I stood up to see better.

As they entered the restaurant, Dad got up and walked over to them with his arms outstretched and a wide smile lighting up his face. First he wrapped his arms around Celena in a giant bear hug, giant because Celena is shorter than I am (about 4'10", the same as my mom). 

June took one look at Dad and her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"So nice to meet you," Dad said as he gave her a hug. Then it was Carol's turn.

"After all this time!!" she exclaimed. "Here, let me see you."

"This is really neat isn't it?" he asked as they hugged.

As we all got acquainted and hugs were passed around like candy, I became caught up in the emotion of the moment and began to tear up. I marveled at the fact that this "union" (for it was not really a "reunion" as we had never met) of siblings and cousins had generated such excitement and joy on both sides. You never know about meetings that reunite birth families - sometimes one side is overjoyed at the reunion while the other side is not; others may have ulterior motives for meeting. I was pleased that neither of these scenarios played out for us. 

Siblings Jeff, June, and Carol

It was easy to tell from the look of true delight on Carol's face and the sound of pure awe in June's voice as they looked at and listened to their brother for the first time that they were having a wonderful experience without any reservations. I could also tell from the way my dad's eyes sparkled and the perma-smile that was plastered across his face that he felt the same way. Each sibling had lived his/her life never knowing about the other, but that was about to change. 



As for me - I just went with the flow and felt everything - pleasure at meeting these "new relatives", joy in seeing how happy they were to meet us and in being able to reflect back to them the same joy we felt in meeting them.

As we finally sat down at our table, Dad gave June and Carol their flowers. I could tell they were pleased. They had something for us also: two huge photo albums that contained pictures of Marcella and Joyce, as well as June and Carol and their families when they were younger. It was a treasure trove of history, one which we would pore over multiple times. My dad was speechless. It was such a gesture of love and caring. Many of the pictures were very old - the fact that they were willing to part with some of these pictures spoke volumes.

"We spent all week working on these," Celena said.

"We had so much fun putting them together for you," added June.

"This is great," said Dad. "I truly don't know what to say but thank you. I'm getting verklempt," he added, using one of his favorite quotes from the SNL skit "Coffee Talk" with Mike Myers.

"These are for you to keep," said Carol. "We have many many more pictures at home."

The cousins: Celena, Jen, James, Jon

At that moment James and his wife Sheila showed up. Once again hugs were given out and introductions were made. Then Roy, Celena's fiance, and my brother Jon arrived. Now we were all here. Carol, the eldest sister, sat at the head of the table with June to her left and Dad to her right. Celena sat next to June, and Roy, James and Sheila sat next to her. I was next to Dad, with Mom and Jon to my right. 





For the next two hours we hardly stopped talking. I tried hard to listen to all the conversations that were floating around the table. There was so much to soak in. We learned that Marcella had become a widow in 1970 and had never remarried, that she liked to dance and sing and play the piano. We learned that she loved to cook and was famous for her pies. We learned that Carol was a four-year cancer survivor of some rare form of blood cancer that is usually fatal. We learned that the family roots stemmed from Germany and Ireland and that the family name Wolgast wasn't too different from our last name of Wurges, which was also German. 

We learned that we had a famous great-uncle, Ad Wolgast (also known as the Michigan Wildcat), who was a world lightweight boxing champion in the early 1900's. We learned that June liked to sing and was a soprano in her church choir. We learned that Celena had a daughter who was a gymnast with her sights set on the 2016 Olympics in Brazil. And then James started telling stories from his youth, and I couldn't help thinking of my brother. The two seemed like two peas in a pod. 

The best part for me, though, was to watch everyone and notice the similarities in looks and mannerisms, something you just can't obtain from Facebook. I didn't get a chance to talk to Sheila because she was down at the other end of the table, but she commented to me later that she couldn't keep her eyes off Dad because he looked so much like Marcella. I kept watching June because I noticed so many similarities between her and myself and Dad.



We could have sat there all day, but the men had to get back to work. First, though, we had to have pictures! Here's when the best example of genes at work occurred. Dad and June were trying to take a picture of the cousins with Celena's phone when they accidentally took a selfie! (Dad is often technically challenged, as am I, I freely admit, and now we know it runs in the family!)

I don't think anyone really wanted to leave, but we made plans to meet again soon. Hugs were dispersed and Dad walked his sisters out to their car. It had been a magical afternoon. I can't speak for everyone but I left with the feeling that time is, indeed, precious. While we are saddened that Marcella or Joyce didn't live to see this union, what matters is that we did. We have whole lifetimes to catch up on, and I look forward to spending many hours learning about the past and many more in growing our relationships in the present.

Author's Note: Since our meeting I have had the chance to talk on the phone with Celena and another cousin Kathy (Carol's daughter) and have added some more relatives to my friends' list on Facebook. We have had the chance to meet with June and Carol at some events around the area, too. Sometime this summer we will be able to meet Joe and his wife and children as they come back to Michigan to visit. 

We're Freaking Out!!!

This is Part 2 in a three part series on finding family.

The rest of my trip in Florida was split between trying to relax and find out more about "the new family" as I had termed them. I talked to Mom and Dad on the phone as much as my vacation schedule allowed, and also began to message Celena and Valerie on Facebook to get more details. And I scoured my new cousins' Facebook profiles as much as possible.

While I learned that there were some interesting similarities (both families share a penchant for naming their children with J-names: June, Joyce, James, Joseph/Jon, Jeff, Jennifer, and that June shares a birthday with my son Michael), we also learned that my dad was born in between Carol and June (Carol was born in October of 1946, Dad was born in November of 1947, and June was born 18 months later in June of 1949), which raised a lot of questions. Why was Dad was put up for adoption in the first place? Was this truly the right family?

I messaged Valerie to see if she knew more information. Did the sisters know of a brother given up for adoption?

"Joyce apparently told June and Carol that she overheard their grandmother and an aunt talking about Marcella giving up a baby boy for adoption at some point, but Marcella would not discuss it when they asked her about it," wrote Val. "She was married at the time your dad was born, so it's really a mystery why he was put up for adoption in the first place. I guess we'll never know."

I wondered if anyone knew anything more. However, you just had to look at the pictures of Dad, Marcella, June, and Carol to see that this was the right family, no matter what logic said. The physical similarities between them were indisputable and we were not the only ones to think so. Marcella had three sisters and a brother, who all had children, so there are many cousins out there, some who commented how much Dad looked like Marcella.

When I returned home from Florida I had more time to look at Celena's pictures, and this was when we were blown away again. I came across a picture of her when she was about three. It was like looking at a picture of myself when I was that age. I quickly ran downstairs to get the photo album Mom had made me one year, the one with lots of pictures of me when I was little. I scanned in a photo of myself at that age and put it next to Celena's photo. Wow, you could tell that we were cousins for sure.

Left: Jen age 3. Right: Celena age 3

A few days before the meeting things really started to get weird and the universe seemed to shrink by about 10 degrees of separation. (Insert the theme from the Twilight Zone).

Dad was being blasted by friend requests from his "new" cousins. One of them had the same last name as a boy that my mom dated before she dated my dad. When asked if this cousin knew the boy, she responded with a message: "He's my/our cousin!"

This same cousin then noticed that she had a mutual Facebook friend with my brother's wife, Janet. Turns out this Facebook friend, who is one of Janet's best friends for many many years, is a cousin.

"I'm freaking out!" said Dad.

"I'm freaking out!" said June (on her Facebook post).

I think we were all freaking out a little, but in a good way. Things were happening fast. In the span of one week, my dad had discovered his birth family, talked to his sisters, seen pictures of his birth family, and was preparing to meet them - all thanks to the internet and social media.

Stay tuned for my next post in which I tell you about "The Meeting."

It is a small world, after all

Warning: Reading this post may cause the song, "It's a small world" to become stuck in your head for days, but I assure you it will be worth it!

"It's a world of laughter and a world of tears
It's a world of hope and a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all."

The music drifted out of the Magic Kingdom monorail speakers to fall upon our tired ears. It had been a great Saturday - our family's visit to the park had been at a much slower pace than the past few days at Legoland and Universal Islands of Adventure, we had missed the rain (again), and I was looking forward to beaching it for the next few days of our vacation.

As Michael, Jeff, Nicholas and I headed back to the car, I turned on my phone. I had forgotten to charge it the night before and the battery was almost dead, but I wanted to see if I had any text messages. Sure enough, there was one from my mom.

It read, "Your dad just talked to his sister."

My jaw dropped. My eyes started to tear. "No way!!" I exclaimed.

What is so special about a conversation between my dad and his sister? Well, for starters, up until a week prior, my dad didn't even know he had one!

Dad was adopted when he was just two weeks old by my grandparents, who couldn't have children. Dad was an only child and never felt the need to go searching for his birth parents because he was given the love of two or even three children. Even when Grandma died in 2008 Dad wasn't interested in "going down that path". It would have been easy. Mom had known the name of his birth mother, or so we thought.

I had always felt it would be interesting to find out - genetics intrigues me. Although I am a clone of my maternal aunt in many, many ways, I don't look much like anyone in our family - except Dad. I am like him in looks, build, and mannerisms. A part of me has grown up looking closely at strangers for similarities, wondering if they could be related in some way. My standard answer to any doctor's questionaire about the family medical history on my father's side was always a side note - "Don't know, my father was adopted."

Despite my curiosity to know what the heritage and health background of Dad's side was, I respected that it was his decision to start the search for his birth family if he wanted to.

Two weeks ago, however, the powers that be decided that it was time for Dad to find them. Three days before my trip to Florida, I was at my parents' house visiting when Mom pulled me aside.

"Come see what I found," she said as she took me into Dad's office and pulled a piece of paper out of a folder. "It's your dad's adoption certificate."

I did a double take as I read the mother's name. "But who is this?!" My grandmother had told us Dad's birth mother's name was Anne. The name on the adoption certificate was Marcella. "Why did we think it was Anne?"

"I don't know," Mom replied. "But Marcella should be a lot easier to find than Anne."

Sure enough, when Mom plugged Marcella's name into Ancestry.com later she got a hit.

Mom called to give me the news. "We found a Marcella that seems to match. She was born in 1919 and lived only 10 miles away. The bad news though is that she died in 2008, the same year that your Grandma died. However, there is an e-mail address on the family tree so I'm going to e-mail this person and see what comes of it."

Two days later Mom received an e-mail from the family tree owner: "My sister Valerie, who is married to Marcella's grandson, would really like to talk to you."

Mom called me later that night after talking with Valerie. It was my family's first day in Florida and we were driving back from the store.

"I've got some good news!" she said. "I think we've found your dad's birth family! It seems to match up. He has two living sisters and one sister that passed away. I also spoke with one of his sister's daughters, Celena. She was very excited that we found them."

I was astounded, flabbergasted, speechless. Was it really them? After all this time? I wanted to know more.

"June, Carol, and Joyce are your dad's sisters. Joyce passed away in 2011," Mom reported. "His sisters grew up in Pontiac and went to high school in the next town over from us. "

Wow, sisters? I had never actually thought it out in people before, just in genes. It all seemed surreal.

"This whole time they were so close!" I exclaimed. "Did they know about Dad?"

"I don't think so. I guess we'll know more soon. Dad is going to talk with one of the sisters tomorrow," Mom said.

Which brings me back to Disney and the text message: "Your dad just talked to his sister."

That one statement brought so many questions into my head: How did the conversation go? How is Dad taking all this? What is she like? I had to call and find out.

Before I could dial Dad's number, however, my Facebook account started lighting up like a Christmas tree with friend requests and messages from people whose names I didn't recognize. However, as I read the messages it was apparent that they were from the "new" family.

One of the messages was from Celena and it read "Hi I just wanted to introduce myself since we're cousins! Can't wait to meet you all!" Another was from Valerie: "Hi there! Well, things are moving pretty quickly for your family and mine! My husband is one of your newest cousins! I think it's absolutely wonderful that your dad is going to be able to meet his sisters soon."

Wait a minute, I thought. Dad's going to meet them? When? I furiously dialed Mom and Dad's number. Dad answered.

"Hi Dad! We just got out of Disneyworld and I got this message on my phone that you talked to your sister!! I'm dying to know how it went!"

"Well, I'd love to tell you all about it but we're just about to walk out the door to go to dinner with friends. I will give you the brief version. I talked to my sister June and we had a very nice conversation. She seems like a really nice person and we're going to meet with her and her sister, and mine too I guess, Carol, and June's daughter Celena on Friday. You'll be home from Florida then. Would you like to join us?"

"Do kids like candy? Of course I want to come!" I exclaimed. "I can't believe that you have to go now and leave me in the dark!" I wanted to know everything - what were their ages, did they know they had a brother, what was their mom like, etc. I hung up with Dad and then called my brother. Maybe he could fill in some of the details. The phone rang and rang and rang. No one was home.

"Aargh!!" I exclaimed to Jeff. "I just found out the most exciting, mind-blowing news that, after 65 years of being an only child, my dad finds out that he has sisters, and I can't talk to anyone about it!!"

So I turned to the only device left to me to find out more information - Facebook. Now I know that a lot of people don't really like Facebook and yes, it is a time suck, but in this situation it was my saving grace and I will forever be grateful to whoever created it. Mom had told me to look on my cousin Joseph's (June's son) page because there was a picture of him and my dad's birth mom.

It took me awhile to find the picture but when I did it took my breath away. Staring up at me was a female version of my father - gray hair and blue eyes, great big smile too. So that's where the blue eyes and grey hair come from, I thought, two traits I, and not my brother, shared with my dad. Yet in Joe I could see traits of my brother.

Dad with Marcella and his sisters (Carol and June)

"Look at this!!" I said to my husband as I shoved my phone in his face. "It's my dad's birth mom!!" Jeff was driving so it probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to put my phone in his face, but I was really excited and he was the only one I could share it with.

On Celena's page I found a treasure trove of pictorial wealth. She had pictures of herself, her mom, and her brothers when they were younger as well as pictures.of Marcella. As I browsed through Joe and Celena's pictures I took note of all the physical similarities we all shared. It wasn't just my dad that looked like them either. In a few pictures of June I noticed that she and I had the same cheekbones and nose and face shape.

Jen (left) and June (right)

It is hard to explain the emotions that bubbled to the surface in that two hour drive from Orlando to Venice, FL - emotions that I didn't even know were there. It felt like a treasure had been found that I didn't even know was lost. I felt very lucky that for my whole life I have had a very wonderful, loving and close relationship with my family of aunts and uncles and cousins. Now I was being blessed with the chance to get to know a whole other side that I had only wondered about.

Even though I was on vacation in Florida I couldn't wait to get back home to the polar vortex that was Michigan. I wanted to know more about these people who shared my genes - what were they like? What interests did we share?

I sighed and watched the palm trees go by. It was going to be a long week.

Stay tuned for the next post in which more is revealed!!