Mexico we go 2012 - Part one

April 20, 2012

It's 6:00 a.m. and I'm on a plane bound for Dallas. Jeff is sitting beside me getting settled in. The kids are (hopefully) still sleeping, snuggled in their bed at Grandma and Grandpa's house, which will be their home for the next seven days. Dallas is not our final stop. Once we are there we will quickly change planes and fly on to the Cancun airport. That still is not our final destination. We are headed to the Riviera Maya so we will have to take a van ride 1.5 hours south of Cancun. It's a long day of travel, especially since we had to get up this morning at 2:45 a.m. to get to the airport by the required 2 hours ahead of time, but hopefully we will still get to enjoy a little sunshine today!

Why are we headed to Mexico? Jeff and I never really had a honeymoon so we decided to go all out to celebrate our 10th anniversary this year. After a lot of research and debates on the safety of Mexico we decided on an all-inclusive resort in Akumal, Quintana Roo. It's our first all-inclusive - our method of travel usually tends to be the off-the-beaten-path kind - but for the price (and the safety) we couldn't pass it up.

I try to sleep but I forgot my travel pillow and am not very comfortable. Plus, I have a little travel anxiety. This is only our second trip without the boys and I am always very anxious about being up in the air. Every time we touch down is a relief. I don't like to think about the big "What if?" that all parents must face when they leave their children behind on vacation, but I do. We have taken every precaution so the kids are protected in case something were to happen to us.

I think of them now as the clouds pass by my window. We tucked them in last night at Grandma's house so the last thing they felt before they went to bed was our arms hugging them tight and our lips kissing them on their cheeks. Nicholas had his moment the night before - he cried and clung to me when I laid down with him. He didn't want us to leave him. Michael seemed alright with us leaving, so much so that I told him to give his brother some extra loving for us. Before we left I placed a family photo into each of the boys' lunchboxes, wrote a special message on the back, and sealed it with a lipstick kiss. I hope this is enough to get them through the week.

2:30 pm (central time)
We are driving along Highway 307 in Quintana Roo, Mexico, getting closer to our resort in the town of Akumal. After spending 5 hours on a plane, close to one hour in the line for customs, and another on the bus, Jeff and I are both ready to just get there already! We are famished since there was no food served on our plane and we didn't have time to grab a bite to eat in between flights. All we have had to eat today is a banana and a granola bar. When we landed the clouds were dark and heavy. They have since let loose with very heavy rain. I hope this is not a foreshadowing of what our weather will be like while we're here.

The road that we're traveling on is flanked with billboards in Spanish and a tiny hut/house/business here and there. Every so often, however, something gigantic springs up to announce yet another resort - letters, pyramids, fountains, etc. Our resort is one of the last on the strip, yet I am still amazed when I see this giant arched wall loom ahead announcing that we have arrived at the Gran Bahia Principe complex of resorts (and because I am unprepared I don't have my camera ready to take a picture of it).

The sun peeks out as we make our way to the lobby of our resort - the Gran Bahia Principe Sian Kaan, the newest one of four in the complex. We are greeted by a bellhop dressed all in white and wearing a Banana-Republic style hat. He takes our luggage and directs us to the front desk where we are greeted with a friendly "Hola!" by the concierge. We are given a white envelope that contains our dinner reservations (which I made beforehand) and our room keys. He shows us a map of the resort and explains that, as guests of the exclusive Sian Kaan, we have the privilege of eating at any of the other three resorts (Coba, Akumal, and Tulum) as well as our own. Our resort has its' own private beach too but we can use any of the other resorts' beaches too. Since it's an all-inclusive we can eat and drink as much as we want.

We follow the bellhop to our room. According to the hotel website the Sian Kaan is a smaller, more modern  property than its sister resorts. I've yet to see the other resorts up close but so far the website is correct. The whole lobby area is open with a sit-down bar to the right and an open air bar to the left. The buildings house three stories of rooms - the top floor has its own penthouse with jacuzzi tub, the middle floor has a small balcony, and the bottom floor has a jacuzzi tub cleverly hidden by tall palms. The architecture of the buildings is not what you'd expect in Mexico - the buildings are simply white stucco with wooden vigas. They look pretty against the (now) blue sky though.

Our buidling is near the lobby and across from one of the three pools, but our room faces the "jungle" so it has a lot of privacy. On the bed sits intertwined towels in the shape of two swans - an example of the exquisite towel art that I had heard about on Tripadvisor.com. There'll be lots of time for unpacking later. Right now food is our number one priority. We quickly change out of our grubby travel clothes and into our bathing suits and coverup and make our way to the buffet restaurant.

This buffet is like no other buffet I've ever been to in my life. The area of food that's available is seriously as big as the main floor of my ranch house back in Michigan. There's a sushi bar, hot entrees like chicken and pork, Mexican specialties, rice, beans, fruit, breads, and a dessert aisle that goes on forever! I don't want to go too overboard because it's so late in the day and our dinner reservation is just 4 short hours away. I opt for the Mexican chicken dish and fill my plate with rice, corn chips, lots of fresh guacamole, and salsa.

Jeff at the buffet

Jeff and I sit down and fill ourselves with the first real sustenance we've had all day. The food is so good and I'm not just saying that because I'm so hungry! In Mexico I find that there's no such thing as mild salsa and even medium is hard to find. I tried the Salsa Molcajate, which is a chunky mixture of tomatoes, onions, and peppers. It gives me hiccups right away because one of the peppers I ate is a habanero. Luckily I have plenty of guacamole to cool my palate. Jeff cools his mouth with lots of Mexican beer, the Dos XX kind that is served at our resort. The guacamole here is fresh and tasty. I'm famous for my homemade guacamole and Jeff thinks that this is as good as mine! I'm not sure if this is a testament to my guacamole being authentic or to the restaurant's ability to satisfy our picky palates.

When our bellies are full it's off to the beach. The Sian Kaan is not right off the beach, which initially when I was doing my research caused me to overlook the resort. However, thanks to my travel agent Laurie and Tripadvisor.com, I learned that the beach is only a 5-minute tram ride away. We only have to wait a minute or so before the extended golf cart that is our ride pulls up in the driveway of the lobby.

"Sian Kaan beach!" calls the driver. We board the tram and away we go. Our resort is actually across the highway from its sisters, but a bridge has been built over the road so that getting to the beach (and the other resorts) is quick and easy. As we ride I let all the anxiety of the day slip away and just enjoy the ride, the jungle breeze, and the warm sun. It's good to be back in Mexico!
                                                                                               
We are dropped off at the Sian Kaan private beach, which is distinguished by its black recliner chairs. We grab some towels and a margarita at our beach bar and go find a few empty chairs. Our view is exquisite and I just can't get enough. The mixture of blues and greens and blue-greens of the water set against the backdrop of the blue Caribbean sky is breathtaking. The sun is strong here and it does a good job of warming me to the bone. I could lay here all day and soak it up (and I will over the next week), but I want to get into that water!

I am struck by how cold the water is. It's definitely not as cold as our Lake Michigan but it sure isn't the bathwater warm I was expecting. There are lots of coral rocks in the water so we have to be careful of our footing. Some reviews on Tripadvisor had warned us about this (some made it sound like the beach was unusable because of this), but it's not a deal breaker to us. Once we are out deeper in the water the rocks taper off to fine sand.

I am enjoying the feel of the cool salt water against my hot skin and the relaxing sound of the waves when out of the corner of my eye I see a giant fish swim by. I swear it's about 1.5 feet long and has large fins. Anyone who knows me knows that one of my greatest fears is fish - I just don't like sharing a space with them, but I try not to get too freaked out. However, as it swims by me on the way to a man who has breadcrumbs, I get a little panicked and jump on Jeff's back. From now on I will steer clear of anyone who feeds the fish.

6:30 p.m.
We are showered and ready to go to dinner. I'm a little surprised that I'm not tired yet. Perhaps the cat nap that I had on the bus helped to take the edge off, or perhaps the combination of sun and sea was that invigorating. We discovered that neither of us gets cell phone service and so can't call the boys, but we are close enough to the lobby to be able to piggyback onto their wi-fi. I send a quick e-mail to everyone letting them know we arrived safe and sound, then we head to the lobby to catch our tram.

We are dining tonight at Tequila, the only Mexican-themed restaurant in the complex. I'm hoping to get some authentic cuisine. I order chicken mole with mexican rice and Jeff orders the pork medallions with orange sauce. While we wait for our food to arrive we sip on margaritas and listen to an in-house mariachi band. They eventually travel over to our table and sing us a song. Soon our food arrives. It is good but not anything different that that I couldn't get back home.

After dinner we make our way over to the Tulum resort's ampitheater to check out the evening entertainment. It's an acrobatic show made up of 5 people - a Mexican version of a circus family troupe? We are amazed most by the older woman whose thighs are so muscular they look like they could crush someone. The feats these people do are amazing but the performance is slow and kind of flat. Certainly not Vegas-style entertainment. We then go check out the other nightlife in the Hacienda Dona Isabel, a complex that houses shops, a few bars, and a disco that opens at midnight. It's only 10:00 so nothing's really going on yet.

The day of travel is beginning to wear on us and we're getting tired so we head back to our resort. We arrive just in time to catch the last few tunes by the man/woman duo who sings lounge-type music at the outdoor bar in the lobby. We sit through an ABBA song and a Whitney Houston song before deciding the music is not really our style. We bought Ipod speakers at the airport via a Best Buy automatic kiosk and can entertain ourselves with better music in our room!

It's been a long day. On tomorrow's agenda is nothing but catching some rays and swimming in the ocean. And perhaps trying out some of those beach drinks with cool names like Coco Banana and El Mar!!

Tales of a 3rd grade bullee*

*Bullee - One who is bullied

It is happening. One of my worst school fears. Michael is getting bullied.

Two days ago he came home from school and told me that some kids at school were teasing him during lunch.

"They were saying that I "liked" R," he said. "You know, like love kind of like." R is his best friend.

"They made me so mad that I started crying," he added.

I asked him if anyone around him did anything.

"U went and told the lunch lady. She told the kids that what they were doing is bullying and that she could take them to the principal's office. That made them stop."

I told him that I was very glad that someone stuck up for him and that I was glad that the lunch lady addressed the problem. Then we discussed ways to handle the situation if it happens again.

Fast forward two days to this morning. During breakfast Michael tells me that yesterday R was the object of the teasing. Same kid, different day.

"Well, did you stand up for him like U did for you?" I ask.

"No, but I will next time," Michael replies. I try not to lecture but I tell him that this is very important, not only to stand up for himself but for others who are being bullied. I know he's heard this before: at school, at karate, and from Jeff and I.

Then Michael adds a little more information. "Mom, they tease R and I all the time about being best friends. They sing 'Michael and R sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

I ask him who everyone is. He, of course, can't remember at first, but then he gives up a name. I know this kid. I know that he's bright and funny, yet is hyper and in 3rd grade already has the label of "troublemaker".

Jeff, who is home sick, jumps in and suggests that Michael diffuse the situation with kindness if it happens again. "Maybe he's jealous because you have a friend and he doesn't," says Jeff. "Next time ask him if he wants to play with you and R. Maybe that's all he needs."

Michael mulls this over. He thinks it's a good idea and says he will try it out. I wonder if he actually will. I think he suffers from the same disease that I do, which is that when faced with a conflict our words are eclipsed by our emotions and we fail to stick up for ourselves.

You see, I know where Michael is coming from. I too had a best friend in 3rd grade. Girls who were jealous of that friendship tried to bring me down by teasing. You know what? It worked.

I don't think I told anyone about the teasing, certainly not my parents. The fact of the matter is that I was afraid to speak up and I didn't know how to stick up for myself. As a result, the barrage of teasing and insults kept coming. Pretty soon my self-esteem was zero, and it remained that way for almost 20 years, extending way beyond childhood and into my adult years.

I don't want to see my kids go through what I had to go through as a child. No one should have to suffer teasing and bullying. It's effects can be life-altering and last a lifetime.

One of the most important things we can teach our children is how to stand up for themselves and to respect themselves and others. I am thankful that the schools are beginning to teach this in school. In fact, Michael's class was talked to about verbal bullying just a few weeks ago. What to do if you're bullied is becoming part of the kids' consciousness.

I am thrilled that Michael confided in me about this situation. I've heard many stories about "mean girls" in elementary school and have asked Michael many times if he ever witnessed or experienced bullying at school. Until this week he had always said that he hadn't.

It's always good to have an open line of communication with our children but I think it's especially important to do so now. Bullying has got to stop. Kids have got to know that words can do as much, if not more, damage as punches or kicks.

So I'm going to keep on the situation, being a nosy mom and asking questions until I'm blue in the face. Maybe instead of movie night or game night we'll initiate bully night at home and provide a pretend environment where the kids can run through different situations and practice what they would say to a bully.

I e-mailed Michael's teacher this morning to let her know of the situation. I told her that while I was hoping that Michael would handle the problem on his own I felt it was important for her to know what was going on. She responded that she would address the issue because "teasing is not tolerated and we will make sure it stops." Hurray!!!

I am mother. Hear me roar!!

Have you or your kids ever experienced bullying? How did you handle it? How did your kids handle it? I'd love to hear your stories!!!

Growing Pains

There's something going on with Michael. He's an emotional mess. Perhaps he's going through a growth spurt and maybe that's making him so crabby and tired, but I think there's more to it. There usually is.

Michael's been moping around with this sour look on his face for about a month now. He only seems to be happy when he's left alone to play with his Legos or read, or when he's playing with friends. When I ask him to do something like set the table or clean his room my requests are met with defiance or whining. Life with Michael has become a series of small battles and my patience is thinning, my frustration level is high, and I am sad because Michael and I are out of sorts with each other. 

Over the last year or so Jeff and I have increased Michael's duties around the house and assigned him chores. We feel that it will instill in him a sense of responsibility, help him understand limits and consequences, and help him feel like part of the family. At first he was excited about helping out, but as time went on he discovered that these chores interfered with his time to have fun. Now he's turned into a constant whiner.

Michael won't say what's wrong and he probably doesn't know why he is acting so poorly, but after much thinking on the issue, I think I have figured out the problem: Michael is stuck at a crossroad - independence vs. dependance. He wants to grow up and experience/do more, yet he doesn't want to let go of being a child. I can feel his yearning to need me less and less and do more things for himself, but at the same time I feel his reluctance to let go of being a little boy.

He's not alone. "Eight-year-olds will be proud of the fact that they are able to do many things on their own and will increasingly express a desire for privacy," says Michael Thompson, author of Raising and Understanding Boys. He adds, "At the same time, 8-year-old children will still need and want guidance and support from their parents."

This is so true. I remember when Michael was an infant, so tiny and small. I was responsible for fulfilling his every need - to feed him, to change his diaper, to put him to sleep, and to love him unconditionally. As he grew older, I was able to slowly give him more responsibility for these needs. First it was getting dressed - I remember the joy on his face when he mastered buttoning and zipping. Then came putting on his own shoes and socks, brushing his own teeth, reading his own bedtime stories, etc. Now that he's almost 9, he still needs me but in different ways: can you please find my library books, where is my cub scout shirt, can you make me a snack? 

Michael's need for privacy has certainly increased in the last year. He spends hours in his room reading or playing with Legos. And his social network has shifted as well - now his friends are beginning to be more important than his parents. (I knew this day was coming but I wasn't expecting it so soon.)

Michael has a best friend this year, a boy that lives on the far end of our neighborhood (meaning that our houses are not within easy walking distance). He always wants to play with him, like he can't seem to get enough of this boy. When he can't play, Michael gets really upset. 

I know this is not just happening in our house. According to Scholastic.com, friendships take on a greater importance in 3rd grade. An article on the site says that "between the ages of 8 and 9, children start acquiring new emotional and cognitive skills and see their peers in a different light. Child development experts agree that close friendships can be good for children for a number of reasons. They can provide shelter and protection from traumatic childhood experiences, teasing and rejection among them."

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by Michael's behavior for he is very much like me as a child. I remember when I was in third grade. My best friend and I wanted to play every day after school. Most days I think we did. However, back then we had more free time and less scheduling. We did all our work at school and there was no assigned homework. Neither of us participated in any sports.The only activities I had was girl scouts and piano lessons. Both of these were right after school.

I've tried really hard to avoid over-scheduling my boys. We're very relaxed people and all need our down time. Up until this year Michael was only in one activity at a time. This year, however, he wanted to be in karate so we signed him up and he loves it. But, it comes with a price: it adds two more days to the schedule. Now we have karate two nights a week and scouts one night. Add homework into the mix and you've got a full schedule.

Now I get it. Michael's in transition. He's trying to figure himself out and how this new self relates to the environment around him. Throw in a few too many activities, not enough free time, and a mom who is on his case all the time and it's no wonder that he's a ticking time bomb!

I do admit I'm a little sad because my little boy is growing up. I know this is only the beginning - as he grows older he will try out even more emotions on me because I am his mother and mothers can weather emotional storms like no other (but believe me is it ever trying!!).

Thompson says, "Boys pretend that they don't need their mothers because it makes them feel more grown up and strong. That doesn't fool anyone and it shouldn't fool you. He needs you more than he can ever say. He needs you to hold him when he collapses and cries, even if he can't tell you why he is so frustrated and mad." Hear, hear, I say!!!

I guess I should cut Michael a little slack as he goes through these growing pains. Can I be more understanding of his needs? Sure. Can I cut down on the nagging? Of course. Will I still see red when he constantly whines? Absolutely, but I know it won't last.

Most importantly, though, will I love him unconditionally? Forever!

The Rock

This week we started our third week of school and I'm pleased to report that everything is now running smoothly. Michael is thriving in third grade (and finally being challenged in his spelling words!). Nicholas had a bit of a rough start but he's finally settling into kindergarten.

Lake Orion schools are smart. The first week of school they ease the kindergarten teachers and kids into the routine by having a staggered start. The first day only half of the students come to school, then the next day the other half attend. On the third day of school, which is Friday, everyone comes together for the first time.

Even so, going to kindergarten is a big adjustment. The first day Nicholas got off the bus with lots to say but the minute he walked in the house he ran right for the bathroom.

"Have to go peeee..." he shouted.

"Didn't you go at school today?" I asked.

"No. The teacher didn't ask if we had to go," replied Nicholas. In pre-K last year the teachers would line the kids up once or twice for a bathroom trip. Nicholas's kindergarten class has bathrooms right in the room so he can go whenever he wants. I don't think he realized this fact.

The next day of school the whole class was there - all 25 of them. He seemed a little overwhelmed when he got off the bus that afternoon.

"Michael, were you at that big, gigantic recess?" he exclaimed to his brother while we were walking home.

Michael was confused. "What big recess?" he asked.

"You know, the really big recess with all the kids!" Nicholas replied.

"Oh, I know what you're talking about," I said. "You're talking about the lunch recess right?" Today had been  his first recess with all the kids.

"Yeah, that gigantic recess. I cried cause I missed Michael," Nicholas said matter-of-factly. Hmm, interesting.

"Well, did you find your friend Casey?" I asked. Casey was in the other kindergarten class and his mom and I had told our boys to look for each other on the playground. A familiar face often works wonders.

"No, I couldn't find him," said Nicholas.

The next week I received more reports about crying at the big, gigantic recess. On Monday, Nicholas did find Casey and they both cried together because they missed their moms. It became evident that I needed to do something to help Nicholas feel less overwhelmed, but what? I was in new territory because Michael had never had any troubles with kindergarten, well any that he told me about anyway. 

So I turned to my wise sister-in-law who is a noon aide at my niece's elementary. She suggested that I find a small, flat rock that Nicholas could keep in his pocket. When he was missing me or feeling blue he could reach in his pocket, feel that rock, and be reminded of me.

And that's what I did. I found a small rock in the shape of a circle and drew a heart on one side and the words "I love you" on the back. Wednesday morning I showed Nicholas the rock and told him what it was for. As I put it in his pocket I told him to reach in and feel it when he felt like he needed some Mama love. I couldn't wait for him to get home that day so I could see if it worked.

It did. That afternoon Nicholas ran off the bus and gave me a great big hug. "Mom," he said excitedly, "at recess I started crying a little and then I remembered about the rock and it made me stop crying!"

"I'm so glad," I said as I gave him a kiss on the head.

The next afternoon he told me that he cried a little in class because he lost the rock at recess. "Can you make me another one?" he added. I promised that I would.

However, as we were about to go out the door on Friday morning I realized that I hadn't made a new one. I didn't have time to go find a rock so I quickly wrote "I love you" on a yellow piece of paper and put it in Nicholas's pocket.

When Nicholas got off the bus that afternoon he was a veritable chatterbox about school. As he was talking, he reached in his pocket.

"Here, Mom," he said handing me the yellow piece of paper that I had given him earlier. "I don't need this anymore. I didn't cry today at recess. Casey and I played instead."

Hurray!!! Problem solved! I felt a surge of joy reach my face and spread my mouth into a smile. I looked down at Nicholas. He was smiling and laughing as he skipped down the road with his brother and friend. My kindergartener had arrived!!

Out of the mouths of babes: Yesterday Nicholas learned about the Pledge of Allegiance. They learned all about the different words in the Pledge ( pledge, allegiance, indivisible, liberty, justice, and Republic) and what each word meant. Nicholas had his own description for the word Republic, however. "Mom, I thought they were talking about the Star Wars Republic Gunship," he reported. Oh, the things you learn by having an older brother :)

A Letter To My Kindergartener

Dear Nicholas:

This week you started Kindergarten! Yippee!! Hooray!! Hallelujah!! I'm very proud of you because you did it without tears or temper tantrums. I knew you would, though, because you're a big boy and also because you're ready.

At Kindergarten orientation on Tuesday you met some of the kids in your class. Ella you already knew from Pre-K. I think she'll be a big help to you because she's a familiar face. I could already see how it's going to be with you two as you made silly faces at each other and sat next to each other on the little bus ride.

We saw another familiar face, and that is your teacher, Mrs. N, the same teacher Michael had for kindergarten. I was so relieved when we got the letter in the mail informing us that she was going to be your teacher. I know it will make your kindergarten experience that much easier.

Of course, in true Nicholas fashion you didn't want to participate in the Orientation activities and clung to me the whole time. "You do it," you exclaimed when I told you it was time to put your school supplies in the bins Mrs. N had placed throughout the room. Likewise you didn't want to do the craft that Mrs. N had arranged. But, you did them anyway. It was frustrating to me to have you act that way but I knew that this was just your way of expressing your nervousness and fear about starting kindergarten. Still, I was feeling a bit of trepidation - what if you were like this in class? I know how stubborn you can be.

At home that afternoon we had so much fun together - our little last hurrah of mommy and Nicholas time. We built towers with rectangular blocks and used letter blocks to make words for you to read (mad, sad, and, mat, fat, pat). Then we used Jenga blocks as dominoes. You estimated that we used 100 blocks to make our line, while I estimated 50. After counting them all we discovered that, at 84 blocks, your estimation was the closest! You were so happy that you beat me! Later on we made applesauce together - I peeled and you used the apple slicer to make chunks. "Let me do it," you said confidently.

As we worked together I realized all that we had accomplished that afternoon - reading, spelling, counting, estimating - all skills that you will be working on in kindergarten. And you did them in such a way that you probably didn't view it as work. Yep, no doubt about it - you are ready for kindergarten. But am I ready to let you go?

The truth of the matter is that I am. Your entry into the elementary journey is a lot different than Michael's was and I feel secure in the knowledge that you will be safe and in a place you will thrive. When Michael began kindergarten everything was new to us. We were new to the school, we didn't know his teacher, and he didn't know any of his classmates. Michael didn't have a friend to sit with on the bus either, or a big brother to walk him to his classroom, like you do.

Michael was a lot more innocent at five than you are, partly because you have the experience of being around your older brother and his friends and partly because you are more worldly than he is. When Michael was your age we didn't know about Phineas and Ferb or Spongebob - we still watched Sesame Street and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Waking you up from a deep sleep at 7:00 a.m. on your first day of school was hard - you need all the sleep you can get to make it through the day and I hated to wake you. You were so tired that morning that I took pity on you and helped you get dressed when you asked. I even had to feed you breakfast to ensure you would have something in your tummy.

You perked right up, though, when we left for the bus stop and you saw your friend Jack from across the street walking with his parents. You ran right up to him, leaving me in the dust.

When the bus came, you gave me a quick hug and kiss, then boarded the bus with your peers. I waved to your smiling little bespectacled face as the bus pulled away, and then you were off. Despite my feelings of joy at this moment because you FINALLY made it to kindergarten, I felt myself tearing up. After all, you are my youngest child, my baby (although you haven't been a baby for years), and we are entering a whole new chapter of our lives. We are done with the nurturing preschool years and are entering the self-sufficient elementary years.

I feel that the preschool years were just long enough - we got to spend a lot of quality time together. But I know from experience now that the elementary years race on by - in just three short years I'll be putting Michael on the bus to middle school and you'll be the one in 3rd grade! So I will do everything in my power to savor every moment of elementary school.

I'm looking forward to seeing you grow and expand this year as I know you will. In no time you'll be telling me stories about what you and your best buddies do at recess, and I'll be watching as you begin to read and write with confidence.

Nicholas, I hope you know that whatever chapter of life you're in I will be standing in it with tears of joy and love because I'm so proud to be your mom!

The Countdown

It's June 5th and I'm starting a countdown to summer: 10 more wake-up calls in the morning, 8 more lunches I have to make for Michael, 6 more trips to Pre-K and back. In 4 days, Nicholas will "graduate" from Pre-K and become a kindergartener. In 10 days, Michael will be a 3rd grader. This means that I only have 15 more hours of precious free time and then summer vacation will be upon us.

This is the end of an era for me as next year both boys will be in school all day long. I have to admit I get a bit teary every time I think about it. It's not just the fact that for the first time in 8 years my life won't exclusively revolve around my kids and I can start to pursue something that is just my own (which is a little scary). It's that my youngest is growing up and the preschool years are over. It's a bittersweet feeling. I've been both waiting for and dreading this day.

The preschool years - what a busy time! While I'm happy to put potty training, naps, and hour-long tantrums behind me, there are many things I look back fondly upon: leisurely picnics in the front yard, playing baseball all afternoon, watching the Imagination Movers, taking "nature hikes" at 8:00 a.m., and going "garage-sale-ing" for treasures.

I admit it will be nice to be able to get the laundry completely done without having to leave it half folded because I ran out of time before Pre-K pickup at 11:30 a.m. However, I will no longer be able to use Nicholas as my excuse if the house is still a wreck at 3:30 p.m. I imagine that at first I'll be a little lonely without my little entertainer to keep me company. I do, however, have 8 years of writing backlogged in my imagination to attend to.

Regardless of my feelings, Nicholas no longer thinks that he can be home schooled and accepts that he is going to Kindergarten next year. In fact, I think he's a little excited. He talks about who will be in his class and is curious about how the bus ride to school will work. He's also entered the world of pre-reading: sounding words out on his own and matching words with pictures. My heart is full because it is evident that we made the right decision to put him into Pre-K this year - he's confident, self-assured, and so much more mature (well, as mature as you can be when you're 5!).

The fact that Michael will be entering 3rd grade seems impossible to me. I remember 3rd grade, that time when kids begin to really mature. I've been told that the work load increases dramatically. Next year Michael will be learning cursive writing, more complicated multiplication and division, and he will be taking the standardized MEAP tests. Michael will handle that fine as he's a very bright boy. It's the behaviors that come with the upper elementary grades that often concern me. Michael has managed to get through grades K-2 as if he's encased in a bubble - he still retains that innocent quality that I was worried would disappear when he entered grade school. Either he just lets teasing and taunts roll off his back or no one messes with him. In this age of bullies it's truly remarkable. I hope the bubble remains for a long time!

I know I can't keep my boys young forever but sometimes I just want to freeze time. Nicholas still requires lots of hugs and kisses and Michael is not yet embarrassed of the love I shower on hm. This will all change someday - after all, there's one constant in this world and that is change. So I will continue to enjoy all the moments I have with them and savor this summer break, knowing that while it might be the end of one phase of our lives, it's also the beginning of another.

I Never Knew My Mom Was a Trapeze Artist

When exactly does a woman become a mother? A) The minute her first child is born? B) When she takes him home from the hospital? C) When she experiences the sleep-deprived reality that comes from nursing every 2 hours?

If you would have asked me this question 8 years ago I would have gone with answer A. However, 8 years and two children later I realize that becoming a mother takes more than just birthing a child between your legs and calling yourself a mom.

Mothers are not born with our children, they are made. There is no instruction booklet on how to be a mom. We learn through experience, trial by fire, and sometimes with disastrous results. We learn that when you change your infant son's diaper you'd better cover him up quickly or you WILL get peed on. We learn that when your child is not feeling good and says that he thinks he has to throw up, you have a 5-second window to get him to the toilet before he does so.

Even so, I think it takes more than just experience to be successful at this mothering thing. It takes passion and energy and commitment. And balance.

My mom is someone whose experience and opinion I trust and value. She has shown me how to be a good mother through her mothering of me and my brother. She wasn't a helicopter mom or a soccer mom or a stay-at-home mom like June Cleaver. She was a do-it-all mom who worked part-time but was always home when we came home from school. She was a mom who earned her Master's Degree while working and taking care of us. She was a mom who had interests and hobbies outside of her kids. I know now how important that is: it's a key component to keeping your sanity as a mom. It showed me that while I was an important part of her life I was not the only part. My mom showed me that to be a mom you need to have balance.

This balance is something I am currently searching to attain and maintain on my mothering journey. In between making meals, doing dishes and laundry, taking the kids to school, trips to the library, and all the other routine stuff that my life is currently made up of, I realize that there is not much in life right now that is just mine.

This mothering thing we do is a tightrope act that involves balancing our needs with our children's needs. To be really successful at it we need to be sure of our footing and who we are or we risk falling and losing ourselves in the daily barrage of tasks.

To all you moms out there who have found your balance, I salute you. To all you moms out there like me who haven't found it yet, I say keep searching. Start small. Pledge with me to do at least one thing for yourself every day that will bring you into balance at that moment: take a walk after dinner, read a magazine, take a bath, eat a whole cookie (not one that you have to share with the kids), breathe deeply for 5 minutes. Then, as you get braver, take more time for yourself: go for long walks in the woods, read a book, get a massage, go see a movie with friends or by yourself, go out to dinner with friends. You see where I'm going here.

I understand that trying to incorporate a little time for ourselves may at first prompt some strange reactions from our spouses and children ("Mom wants to do what and without us? Boo hoo!!") And we may feel that we're abandoning them. However, my belief is that the more we do for ourselves the easier it will be to work "Mom's Time" into our lives and pretty soon our balancing act will be a normal part of our routine.

Have a happy Mother's Day! Be good to yourselves!!!

If you like this blog or blog about mothering yourself, check out the About.com's Mother's Day Blog Carnival!